John Oliver addressed the previous week in graduation gaffes on Sunday’s version of Final Week Tonight.
Noting that ceremonies usually have been “a little bit chaotic this 12 months, each due to the persevering with protest over Gaza, but additionally for weirder causes,” he kicked off the section by exhibiting footage from the Thomas Jefferson College Faculty of Nursing commencement ceremony, the place the announcer struggled to pronounce frequent names like Sarah, Meghan, Elizabeth, Molly — and Thomas.
“That’s magnificent!” Oliver quipped. “Mispronouncing ‘Thomas’ at Thomas Jefferson College is simply spectacular.”
He famous that the varsity later stated the issue was resulting from the truth that the names had been spelled phonetically.
“Whereas offering phonetic pronunciations is pretty commonplace for graduations, what isn’t is wanting on the pronunciation, panicking, swallowing your personal tongue after which making an attempt to reinvent Welsh,” he joked.
Oliver then turned to the controversial graduation speech given by Kansas Metropolis Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker at Benedictine Faculty in Kansas. Throughout his speech, he condemned abortion, euthanasia, IVF, surrogacy and the LGBTQ group. He additionally denounced the “diabolical lies instructed to girls.”
“What number of of you’re sitting right here now about to cross this stage and are desirous about all of the promotions and titles you will get in your profession? A few of it’s possible you’ll go on to guide profitable careers on this planet, however I might enterprise to guess that almost all of you’re most enthusiastic about your marriage and the kids you’ll deliver into this world,” he stated. “I can let you know that my lovely spouse, Isabelle, can be the primary to say that her life really began when she started dwelling her vocation as a spouse and as a mom.”
Butker went on to say that his success was as a result of truth his spouse embraced “one of the vital titles of all: homemaker.”
Oliver stated that Butker’s message was “particularly wild coming from somebody whose personal mom is — and that is true — a physicist specializing in brachytherapy and Gamma Knife medical physics care. However I assume he’s proper. Her most vital job was in all probability elevating this absolute ham sandwich of a man.”
Oliver additionally briefly addressed two different of this week’s graduation audio system, together with social media entrepreneur Chris Pan, who admitted that he had taken Ayahuasca to put in writing the speech he gave at Ohio State College, “through which he gave the viewers recommendation about investing in Bitcoin,” Oliver identified.
The host went on: “And simply immediately, Morehouse Faculty had Joe Biden as their graduation speaker. And whereas as of taping that hasn’t occurred but, I’m positive it went nice,” Oliver added sarcastically.
“And look — graduation speeches are exhausting,” he went on. “That’s the reason I’ve by no means achieved one, regardless of what number of instances Hogwarts asks me to. Cease sending me fucking owls. However they don’t have to be an absolute catastrophe.”
He ended the section with “maybe the wildest alternative for speaker this 12 months,” at DYouville College in Buffalo, New York, the place a robotic addressed the graduates utilizing a speech composed by AI. The robotic stated it was giving “inspirational recommendation that’s frequent in any respect commencement ceremonies. Embrace lifelong studying. Be adaptable. Pursue your passions. Take dangers. Foster significant connections. Make a constructive influence. And consider in your self.”
“I’m positive college students will fondly bear in mind these stirring phrases as robots take all of their jobs earlier than finally monitoring them down after they’re hiding in an deserted warehouse throughout humanity’s ultimate hours,” Oliver quipped.