Welcome again, my little Backyard State gawkers. It’s time for the Actual Housewives of New Jersey Season 14, Episode 1 recap. On this premiere episode, referred to as “Birthday Bombshell,” the women are all again, bringing with them their never-resolved feuds. As for these girls’ presently hard-set alliances, solely time will inform if a defector exists inside RHONJ Season 14.
The women are again
Issues begin somewhat kindly, as we first see Melissa, urging Antonia to start out packing for faculty. She’s leaving their facelifted Franklin Lakes property in three weeks, so that they’re stressing. The cameras lower over to Margaret’s home subsequent, the place she’s merely fluffing her bedspread with Marlene, her hilarious housekeeper. Danielle and Nate then take over from their lounge, the place they’re taking pictures a toy cash gun at their daughter.
I name subsequent. But in addition, transferring ahead, please word that Jennifer = Jennifer Aydin, and Jen = Jen Fessler. If that’s annoying, image me as Teresa, saying “Kiss my titties.”
Talking of drama, after roughly 0.067 minutes of peace, it begins arriving over at Rachel’s home, the place she’s establishing for a household get-together. As soon as her visitors arrive, Rachel explains that she’s working with Jeff to throw his spouse Jen a shock party. Jeff desires to ask the entire girls as a result of Jen doesn’t like to go away anybody out. Jennifer didn’t reply to Rachel’s invite although, however Teresa did, and he or she’s all in.
Don’t get too excited although. Rachel’s nonetheless not over the investigator drama from Season 13.
Over on the Guidice fortress, Teresa’s daughter Gabriella can be packing for faculty. A number of beats later, Luis brings up the subject of Jen’s upcoming shock occasion. “Observe my lead,” Teresa tells him, noting that nonetheless she behaves in entrance of her brother and his spouse, then that’s how Luis ought to behave as effectively. Luis agrees, saying “Good, yeah,” however again on the Gorgas, they’ve determined to method this occasion with zero f*cks given attitudes.
As for Jen herself, Margaret dropped in for a fast chat, the place Jen defined that Teresa had referred to as her on her birthday. In response, Margaret mentioned Tre’s “lifeless to me.”
Right here we go.
When meatballs kill
Fortunately, Dolores nonetheless has love for Teresa, so she and Paulie be part of Tre and Luis for a date evening. Naturally, Jen’s upcoming occasion will get introduced up. Teresa reveals that Luis is attempting to make amends with the solid, so he texts John to try to have a sit-down earlier than the occasion. In response, John texted again, saying that they might simply discuss on the occasion.
They ordered. However Italian meals makes Paulie deathly unwell, so he opts for a steak.
As for Teresa’s ideas about seeing her costars once more, she’s not too harassed. She is triggered although on one side, divulging that just a few of her costars had made a pact to convey her down on the reunion. Paulie nodded in settlement, noting that he’d additionally overheard some chatter on this little pact as effectively.
Double-sided dildos and medicines, oh my
Lastly making an look, Jennifer’s again from her journey to Italy, so she and Teresa resolve to enterprise over to Jen’s occasion collectively. Within the automotive, Jennifer brings up a blind merchandise about John. This blind detailed John’s love for double-sided dildos. It additionally rehashed his previous narcotics-related arrest.
The digicam then cuts to John, like solely a well-oiled Bravo machine can. He’s laughing about these claims with the opposite males. In flip, they elevate their glasses, cheersing to dildos.
Sames.
And at last, the Paterson-adjacent occasion goes down
Lastly. Jen’s long-awaited, much-discussed shock occasion is right here. Each single solid member is now in the identical room. Insert the chaos in 3, 2, …
As soon as Jennifer and Teresa arrive, they instantly head over to the boys, saying ‘sup to all however Joe. After this, they enterprise on over to the women. Margaret hugs Jennifer, however then she walks all the best way away, not desirous to be close to Teresa.
On a optimistic word, she walked over to Jackie with Melissa. They congratulated Jackie on her memoir, The Weight of Stunning. In the identical nod to peace, Jen arrives, and he or she’s thrilled.
Then, every thing goes to hell. Paulie tells John that he ought to’ve taken Luis up on his chat request, however John disagrees. He goes in on Paulie, telling him that he’s on the incorrect aspect. Naturally, Joe chimes in, and issues spiral downwards.
Over in ring 2, Teresa’s taking over Rachel, saying “Your husband went for my husband, attempting to destroy his popularity.” Rachel agreed that the husbands ought to discuss, however as Teresa explains “Gents, they meet privately,” Rachel asks “What have you learnt about gents?” After an extended, wide-eyed pause, Teresa claps again that her husband’s a gentleman. Rachel disagrees.
Deciding to go away the occasion, Teresa says hello to John tremendous sweetly. “Hello, double-sided dildo,” she says. Holding out her arms in direction of John, Rachel additionally jokes “Right here comes the largest drug seller in Bergen County.” Teresa and John then combat, and 0 winners had been discovered.
Minus Jen. She takes the mic, stating “I’m having the perfect time. Whatever the bloodshed.”
Actual Housewives of New Jersey Season 14 continues each Sunday on Bravo at 8/7c.
TELL US – WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE RHONJ SEASON 14 PREMIERE? WHO’S IN THE WRONG? CAN THIS CAST MOVE FORWARD?