Jimmie Allen had darkish ideas throughout a scandal-filled time in his life. In a current dialog with Kathie Lee Gifford — which the nation singer launched on his YouTube channel on Tuesday — Allen, 38, recalled considering suicide when his former supervisor sued him for sexual assault.
In Might 2023, Allen’s day-to-day supervisor, who was recognized solely as Jane Doe in her lawsuit, alleged that the singer raped her and repeatedly subjected her to sexual abuse and harassment over the course of 18 months.
On the time, in an announcement to ET supplied by his legal professional, Allen admitted to having had a “sexual relationship” with the girl suing him, however claimed it was consensual for almost two years.
In his dialog with Gifford, Allen stated he was “looking for instantaneous gratification from girls” throughout his affair, earlier than discussing specifics concerning the scenario.
“She was my day-to-day supervisor, so she was with me in every single place I went. We would hook up then we would cease, after which after we’d cease… she’d get all unhappy and upset, so to make her really feel higher, we would begin hooking up once more,” he claimed.
Allen maintained that he “completely [did] not” need a relationship with the girl, however admitted, “I ought to’ve seen that she was into me. For me, though it was simply bodily, I feel for her it was getting emotional.”
When the lawsuit was filed, Allen stated he was “pissed off” and “confused and heartbroken.”
“It is somebody who’d change into a buddy,” he stated. “… I knew it was improper as a result of I am in a relationship. That is what I am prepared to take accountability for… For the longest time, in my head, I keep in mind considering, ‘So long as I am offering for my spouse and my youngsters, I’ve the liberty to do no matter I need.’ That is not the best mentality. It is improper. I made a dedication. I ought to’ve both caught with it or ended it.”
The lawsuit — which Jane Doe has since dropped — got here amid Allen’s separation and eventual divorce submitting from Alexis Gale, who was pregnant with their third little one on the time. Gale — who’s additionally mother to Naomie, 3, and Zara, 2 — welcomed son Cohen in October 2023. Allen can also be dad to Aadyn, who was born in 2015 to a girl Allen has by no means publicly named, and twin infants, together with his longtime pal, Danielle. Amid the allegations, Allen considered one principal factor: his household.
“I used to be sitting there and I actually felt like the entire world had simply collapsed. ‘Trigger the very first thing my mind goes to shouldn’t be the profession, it is ‘How am I going to offer for my children?'” he stated, earlier than explaining why he then thought of the concept of suicide.
“It hit me. My life insurance coverage covers suicide,” he stated. “I do not really feel that manner now, however in that second, once you really feel like you don’t have anything within the midst of a society the place it is now not harmless till confirmed responsible… [people think] she stated this so it have to be true.”
With that on his thoughts, Allen “moved the whole lot over to at least one telephone — all my proof, photos, textual content messages, movies, the whole lot… [and then] I used to be placing bullets in my gun clip.”
A textual content from his buddy got here at simply the best second, although.
“My buddy Chuck texted me… He stated, ‘Ending it is not the reply.’ Once I learn these phrases that… I simply stopped,” Allen stated. “I keep in mind I referred to as considered one of my buddies… He got here up. I gave him my gun. I stated, ‘Take it. I do not want it.’ My mother flew in, after which I began receiving telephone calls from completely different artists checking in on me, saying they love me, they care about me, they know who I’m. Then I began receiving calls from folks I did not even count on. A few of the largest actors in Hollywood that I have been followers of for years — I’ve by no means met — someway bought my telephone quantity and referred to as me.”
For all of the assist Allen acquired within the midst of the drama, there have been additionally “folks that I used to be anticipating to listen to from however I did not.”
“That is what damage rather a lot,” he stated. “… I did not assume it will damage as a lot because it did, having folks I assumed had been my pals simply go away, however due to you, different pals within the enterprise, my household, I used to be capable of get by means of. It was tough.”
From there, Allen went to a retreat for psychological well being and bought into remedy, however suicidal ideas continued.
“Each single day, I keep in mind battling: Do I need to stay? Do I not need to stay?” he recalled. “When payments get due. I am like, ‘Man, my household would have X quantity of {dollars} if I might’ve took care of one thing,’ however I spotted that is not the way in which to do it.”
When a buddy got here by means of with some cash for Allen — assist he wanted as a consequence of dropped offers amid the scandal — issues began to show round.
“After a couple of months… I began to take a look at the scenario completely different. It went from, ‘God, why is that this taking place to me?’ to ‘God, what am I imagined to study?'” he stated. “… I went from hating her to a little bit bit type of feeling dangerous for her, making an attempt to know what was happening in her life that she wanted to do that. How did I not make myself out there for a dialog about her emotions?”
Finally, the break was a very good factor for Allen. Actually, he stated, “It truthfully saved my life.”
Earlier than the scandal, Allen stated, he “turned to medication” and “life simply felt like a circus, all as a result of I could not be sincere with myself about who I used to be and what I needed,” each personally and professionally. Now, although, Allen stated he is “been the happiest I’ve ever been.”
Going ahead, he stated, “[I want] to proceed to be sincere with myself and being sincere with everybody else.”
If you happen to or somebody you realize is contemplating suicide, please contact the Nationwide Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), textual content “STRENGTH” to the Disaster Textual content Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
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